I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
