hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
