I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
