I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
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