Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
