I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
