he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
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