Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Randomize