okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
false alarm. still invincible.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
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