im drinking this country out of the recession.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
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