so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Randomize
