This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
