Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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