i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize