I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
