3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
