My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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