I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
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