I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Randomize
