i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Randomize
