I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Randomize
