hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
