Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
We need to get me chipped asap
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Randomize
