and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Randomize
