I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Randomize
