Barsexuality is the new black.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
