How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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