We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Randomize
