he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
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