its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
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