Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
