I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize