Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
