just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I am one with the molecules
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Randomize
