I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
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