At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
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