DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
