Is it normal to miss your booty call?
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
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