Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
