My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Randomize
