yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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