i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
