Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Randomize
