Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
