What did we do last night that was yellow?
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Randomize
