It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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