# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Randomize
