I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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