Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
