VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
it hurts more in the daytime
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
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