Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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