he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
