So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
