If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Randomize