Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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