So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
