$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
