dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Randomize
