Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
