I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
