i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
