we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
