I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize