I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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