My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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