I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Randomize
