yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
Randomize
