Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
