Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
