Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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