I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
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