I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
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