Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
