Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Randomize
