"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
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