i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
