I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
