Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
The Olympian is in my bed
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