My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Randomize
