I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
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