If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
