you're like a bully in the Christmas story
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize