I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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