Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
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