I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
How external is "for external use only"?
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Bring me that man meat
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
