How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
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