why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
